Oh! To Rest These Weary Extremeties

This is a blog simply for the sake of blogging in December.
Do you ever sit back and wonder if your life is equal to that of The Truman Show or The Sims games?
Whoever is running my show is rather masochistic.


I've started a project.
It initially was supposed to be polaroid pictures, but film for the camera is so expensive.
So, now it has become a video.
All revolving around the statement "Before I Die I Want To..."
I'm rather excited for the outcome.

Do you ever reach a point in your life where you are completely satisfied with... anything?
Or is life a constant struggle towards some unknown and probably unnecessary goal?

My new years resolution- I want to be able to play The Underwood Typewriter by Fionn Regan.
I also want to say the words "I love you" more often.
Not for the sake of simply saying them, but because I truly mean them and it's high time these emotions are expressed.

Happiness is:

Remembering simple pleasures.

I posted a blog at the end of last semeste talking about bubbles.
How happy they can make a person, and how much they represent in life.

With exams and the semester's end coming up soon, stress is contagious.

How about a good movie, a cup of hot tea or chocolate, a warm blanket, and God's love?
The perfect end to the perfect beginning.

On a musical note:
Fionn Regan and A Love Like Pi.
Do it.

I am...

absolutely smitten.
And I hate it.

I think that we should know from birth who THE ONE is and just spend our life looking for THE ONE. No detours.
Or there should be no such thing as deceipt, or lies, or confusion, or any of that mess..
Not when it comes to love.
That's the worst kind of blasphemy.

Some Quotes That Sum Up Life Right Now

» Do you have a band aid? Cause I hurt my knee when I fell for you.
*You have been taught that there is something wrong with you and that you are imperfect but there isn't and you're not.
» And just because she comes off strong, doesn't mean she didn't fall asleep crying. And even though she acts like nothing's wrong, maybe just maybe, she's good at lying.
» I'm here, and I love you. I have always loved you, and I will always love you. I was thinking of you, seeing your face in my mind, every second that I was away. When I told you that I didn't want you, it was the very blackest kind of blasphemy.
» The girl who seemed unbreakable...broke.The girl who seemed so strong...crumbled.The girl who always laughed it off...cried.The girl who never stopped trying...finally gave up.
» We laugh too hard. We're way too loud, and we make complete fools of ourselves. If you have friends like mine, raise your glasses! If you don't, raise your standards.
» If I'm ever murdered I hope it's interesting enough to be the inspiration for an episode of Law & Order.
» I purposely create awkward moments because I think it's funny.
» Never argue with an idiot. They'll drag you down to their level then beat you with experience.
» Be with someone who knows what the have when they have you.
» When you and I met, the angel's whispered "perfect."
» Life isn't a garden so stop being a hoe
» I always knew looking back on the tears would make me laugh. But I never knew looking back on the laughs would make me cry.
» Don't make someone a priority when they're only making you an option.
» I see the way you look at her, and I'd be lying if I said it didn't hurt.
» Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional.
» A million words would not bring you back; I know because I've tried. Neither would a million tears; I know because I've cried
.» The worst thing about being lied to...is knowing you are worth the truth.
» It's just so difficult being me instead of we.
» What's better? A lie that draws a smile, or a truth that draws a tear?
» I want to be his favorite hello, and his hardest goodbye.
» Should I smile because you're my friend? Or cry because that's all we'll ever be?
» I miss you being there. But the thing that hurts the most...you just don't care.
» I spend all my time thinking about things that will never happen. And dressing up for the boy that will never care.
» I'd never make a promise I didn't intend to keep. So when I say forever, forever is what I mean.
» Looking for perfection? Go buy a barbie doll.
» Go for the happy endings, because life doesn't have any sequels.

Oops

I completely forgot about blogspot.
I've been so uber busy in Thomasville, there has neither been the time or occasion to update.
I'll be gone from here in 2 weeks, though (sob), so be expecting a rather long and intriguing update at that time.
Ps- how do you spell intriguing?

Obssessed

Okay, so on top of the Jonas Brothers and Twilight, I think I may have another obssession.
This one isn't so bad, and is rather healthy.
It's for Jimmy Robbins.
I've been a fan of him for like 4-5 years now.
His song Everything To You has been my ringtone for ages.
He even called me once... it was embarrasing. I was like "Ummm... I... ummm.. I love you?"
Ick.
If you've not heard of him- www.myspace.com/jimmyrobbins
and if you like him, go to jimmyrobbins.fancorps.com
He's recently signed and deserves respect, and I think this website will give it to him.
Plus it's pretty sweet about helping him get the word out.
Whew. It was nice to get that off of my chest.
Let me know what you think of him, yeah?

What Is Compassion?

I've heard a lot, especially lately, that I'm very compassionate.
I don't understand.
I simply react with my heart and try to be nice.
Sometimes I fail.
Is compassion doing the right thing?
Is compassion reacting with your heart?
Is compassion doing the Christian thing?

I've never seen myself as compassionate. I simply try to live my life without injuring others and trying to make a place for myself in the Light.
Is that compassion?
If so, why isn't everyone compassionate?

It's A Hard Knock Life

I visited the Thomasville orphanage Sunday.
I had a few pre-concieved notions about what to expect.
And had worked myself into a fit, only to tell myself I was exaggerating and it wouldn't be that bad.
It will be that bad.
I was placed in a group home when I was 16 and developed PostTraumaticStressDisorder because of my stay there. This may tell you something about the emotional toll the experience had on me. It may also explain a little about me if you've ever wondered about my Exaggerated Startle Response or inability to get really close to people.
This "orphanage" is not an "orphanage" it's an upscale group home. They still have everything I hated about my stay, and I'll likely be living with the group of girls that are in the place because they've done something illegal- just like I was before.
But- I KNOW that God has great things in store for me this summer. I'm being placed in this position for a reason. I went through my experience so that I can reach out to these children better and handle the situations that are about to be presented to me.
Most of these kids don't know Christ. I pray that they will see how God handled my situation and got me through it with His love, and want to experience it. I pray that I will be able to properly show them the love He can give.
Most importantly, I want these kids to learn the lesson I've been telling myself all these years- Don't tell God how big your storm is, tell the storm how big your God is.
There are kids there who should be in jail, kids that have been abused in many different ways, kids who have family that refuse to take them back, and kids that will be going home soon, they just need to work through a few things.
I know that there is a special place for me in each of these children's lives.
My biggest concern is emotional right now. Please, God, don't let my own experiences resurface and pull me down. Let this summer be dedicated to You and let me remain strong through You.

To everyone reading this: stop now and say a little prayer. Not only for me but for these kids. I don't know what the plan is, but it's gonna be big. Please keep us in your prayers throughout the summer.
I really hope to update frequently on here, but if you want updates continuously, I plan on sending ou weekly e-mails. If you'll comment with your e-mail address, I'll add you to the list going out with updates from these kids including what's going on, prayer requests, info about these kids and the way God is shaping their lives, and the devotions I'll be leading them in along with requests for ideas of devotions based on the info I'll be sending out.
Thanks be to God.

The Power of Interpretation

Several centuries ago, the Pope decreed that all the Jews had to convert to Catholicism or leave Italy . There was a huge outcry from the Jewish community, so the Pope offered a deal. He'd have a religious debate with the leader of the Jewish community.
If the Jews won, they could stay in Italy ; if the Pope won, they'd have to convert or leave.The Jewish people met and picked an aged and wise rabbi to represent them in the debate. However, as the rabbi spoke no Italian, and the Pope spoke no Yiddish, they agreed that it would be a 'silent' debate.
On the chosen day the Pope and rabbi sat opposite each other.The Pope raised his hand and showed three fingers.The rabbi looked back and raised one finger.Next, the Pope waved his finger around his head.The rabbi pointed to the ground where he sat.The Pope brought out a communion wafer and a chalice of wine.The rabbi pulled out an apple.
With that, the Pope stood up and declared himself beaten and said that the rabbi was too clever. The Jews could stay in Italy !!!
Later the cardinals met with the Pope and asked him what had happened.The Pope said, 'First I held up three fingers to represent the Trinity. He responded by holding up a single finger to remind me there is still only one God common to both our beliefs'.'Then, I waved my finger around my head to show him that God was all around us. He responded by pointing to the ground to show that God was also right here with us'.'I pulled out the wine and wafer to show that God absolves us of all our sins. He pulled out an apple to remind me of the original sin'.'He bested me at every move and I could not continue'.
Meanwhile, the Jewish community gathered to ask the rabbi how he'd won.'I haven't a clue' the rabbi said. 'First, he told me that we had three days to get out of Italy, so I gave him the finger'.'Then he tells me that the whole country would be cleared of Jews and I told him that we were staying right here'.'And then what' asked a woman?'Who knows?' said the rabbi. 'He took out his lunch so I took out mine'.
__________________________
This little joke sums up my life right now.
I also found out that I do not like facials as much as I thought I would.
And I've decided to grow my hair out- so soon I will be a natural blonde instead of a redhead.
Let the blonde jokes commence.

If You Love Something, Set It Free

I've recently become very amused by this:
Have A Hug!
<(^_^<)
... <(*_*<)...
<(=_=<)
Stupid Distance

I didn't think I could cry, leaving Freshman year of college for summer vacation.
But I realized at college, I've found those friends that teach you what love really means.
That sometimes it's okay to make mistakes.
And that everybody needs to be laughed at sometimes.
That if you fall, just get back up and go, don't quit.
Sometimes things need to be a little harder than you initially thought they were going to be for you to appreciate what you're learning.
I've learned to dance in the rain, to say "I'm Sorry", to hug like I mean it, and to not be afraid.
Because I have a set of friends right beside me, and they'll always be there.
So:
Don't lead, I may not follow,
Don't follow, I may not lead.
Just stay by my side, and by my friend.

I Believe

Sometimes, instead of shining a light, God makes the darkness about three times darker. But then when the light finally comes, it's much more beautiful and you mostly understand why you had to have such total darkness, but you're still not very happy about it.

I have realized lately that if you have bubbles, coffee, a good pair of flip flops, dusk, and no exams you can be truly happy with life.
I was asked why I didn't add a boyfriend or friends into the mixture.
While friends are enjoyable to have around, and a boyfriend is nice to have and can usually give you that warm feeling inside, sometimes you just need the quiet serenity to sit and explore.

Explore things like the wonder of God's creations, the magnificent taste of coffee and how man has improved such a product. And most importantly- how something so peacefully simple as a bubble can invoke such blissful emotions inside one and how elegantly beautiful they are, with light retracted in rainbowed arcs across their surface, without even trying. And how one may blow bubbles and simply pop them or laugh as they hit others, but the truly happy people are the ones that sit and watch as the bubbles begin life quickly, go through a bobbing course of beauty, and then suddenly and unexplainably end their short expanse of life-span here.

You can't do that with friends or a boyfriend around. You're too busy trying to keep up your facade. And if you explore the small, blissfully elegant things, people think you're strange and you feel the need to stop. Therefore you don't get the full experience.

I've realized I apologize too much. I've also realized that I enjoy the company of people who are extremely awkward more so than others. And I have recently been told that my sense of humor is quite amazing and rather dry. I'm just glad people are finally catching on.

And lately I've been studying the lyrics to Flightless Bird, American Mouth by Iron and Wine more than is probably considered a healthy interest.
Go look at the lyrics. You will see what I mean.

can't kick the habit

I think perhaps I've forgotten who I really am...
I'm not sure how to act as of currenlty and I'm losing touch with the comfort I once felt.

I don't know if it's God shrinking away right now to prepare me for something amazing when he presents himself full-force again, or if it's me trying to fit into places I don't belong.

Regardless, there's only 2 weeks of school left, and then I'll be with my BFF again.
But I only get 20 days before I'm off to work in the Baptist Children's Home.

God told me that it's where he needs me right now... and to bring coloring books...
But I'm so unaware of my emotional state as of lately.
Please God don't let me impress my horrible emotions upon those poor kids.

I know that I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me, but I also know that God works in mysterious ways...

Please pray for me. That God keeps His surprises in check and that I'm kept emotionally strong in His image for these orphans.

... And I said I wasn't going to turn this into one of those emo blogs.
But at least there's some God in there.
As for the music:
I'm recently infatuated with the band PureNRG. They only have a few good songs (okay, like 2-3) but they're quite inspirational. Go listen to their song Here We Go Again.

In the Beginning

So... I'm basically creating this because Sarah Briggs and Chelsea Roeder (who's name I'm hoping I spelled right) asked me to.
Overview of my life as of currently (aka my current worries):
1- Persuasive Speech to present Wednesday.
2- Research paper/presentation due next Monday
3- History paper due Tuesday or Wednesday (I should probably figure out when that is due)
4- Friend drama!!! argggg! I cannot stand it.
5- Attempting to make these new friends, but I'm so darn shy and worry too much!
6- Orphanage this summer (Please God, keep me emotionally strong)
7- Canada trip 2010
8- Family woes
9- Breathe on Wednesday!!!

And I'm promising myself and everyone else right now that this will not be one of those emo filled blogs. I really want to incorportate things that are important to my life in here, like Jesus and Music.
Which, speaking of music, I hate memorizing guitar chords, but I absolutely love my new song for class voice (It's I Don't Know How to Love Him, from Jesus Christ Superstar).
That also incorporates a little Jesus into this blog. If you have never heard that song, go look up at least the lyrics. It was in the musical, and it's Mary M singing about Jesus. It's so emotionally impactful.

That's all for now.
See me here next time, Same Bat Time, Same Bat Channel.
<3