I Believe

Sometimes, instead of shining a light, God makes the darkness about three times darker. But then when the light finally comes, it's much more beautiful and you mostly understand why you had to have such total darkness, but you're still not very happy about it.

I have realized lately that if you have bubbles, coffee, a good pair of flip flops, dusk, and no exams you can be truly happy with life.
I was asked why I didn't add a boyfriend or friends into the mixture.
While friends are enjoyable to have around, and a boyfriend is nice to have and can usually give you that warm feeling inside, sometimes you just need the quiet serenity to sit and explore.

Explore things like the wonder of God's creations, the magnificent taste of coffee and how man has improved such a product. And most importantly- how something so peacefully simple as a bubble can invoke such blissful emotions inside one and how elegantly beautiful they are, with light retracted in rainbowed arcs across their surface, without even trying. And how one may blow bubbles and simply pop them or laugh as they hit others, but the truly happy people are the ones that sit and watch as the bubbles begin life quickly, go through a bobbing course of beauty, and then suddenly and unexplainably end their short expanse of life-span here.

You can't do that with friends or a boyfriend around. You're too busy trying to keep up your facade. And if you explore the small, blissfully elegant things, people think you're strange and you feel the need to stop. Therefore you don't get the full experience.

I've realized I apologize too much. I've also realized that I enjoy the company of people who are extremely awkward more so than others. And I have recently been told that my sense of humor is quite amazing and rather dry. I'm just glad people are finally catching on.

And lately I've been studying the lyrics to Flightless Bird, American Mouth by Iron and Wine more than is probably considered a healthy interest.
Go look at the lyrics. You will see what I mean.

can't kick the habit

I think perhaps I've forgotten who I really am...
I'm not sure how to act as of currenlty and I'm losing touch with the comfort I once felt.

I don't know if it's God shrinking away right now to prepare me for something amazing when he presents himself full-force again, or if it's me trying to fit into places I don't belong.

Regardless, there's only 2 weeks of school left, and then I'll be with my BFF again.
But I only get 20 days before I'm off to work in the Baptist Children's Home.

God told me that it's where he needs me right now... and to bring coloring books...
But I'm so unaware of my emotional state as of lately.
Please God don't let me impress my horrible emotions upon those poor kids.

I know that I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me, but I also know that God works in mysterious ways...

Please pray for me. That God keeps His surprises in check and that I'm kept emotionally strong in His image for these orphans.

... And I said I wasn't going to turn this into one of those emo blogs.
But at least there's some God in there.
As for the music:
I'm recently infatuated with the band PureNRG. They only have a few good songs (okay, like 2-3) but they're quite inspirational. Go listen to their song Here We Go Again.

In the Beginning

So... I'm basically creating this because Sarah Briggs and Chelsea Roeder (who's name I'm hoping I spelled right) asked me to.
Overview of my life as of currently (aka my current worries):
1- Persuasive Speech to present Wednesday.
2- Research paper/presentation due next Monday
3- History paper due Tuesday or Wednesday (I should probably figure out when that is due)
4- Friend drama!!! argggg! I cannot stand it.
5- Attempting to make these new friends, but I'm so darn shy and worry too much!
6- Orphanage this summer (Please God, keep me emotionally strong)
7- Canada trip 2010
8- Family woes
9- Breathe on Wednesday!!!

And I'm promising myself and everyone else right now that this will not be one of those emo filled blogs. I really want to incorportate things that are important to my life in here, like Jesus and Music.
Which, speaking of music, I hate memorizing guitar chords, but I absolutely love my new song for class voice (It's I Don't Know How to Love Him, from Jesus Christ Superstar).
That also incorporates a little Jesus into this blog. If you have never heard that song, go look up at least the lyrics. It was in the musical, and it's Mary M singing about Jesus. It's so emotionally impactful.

That's all for now.
See me here next time, Same Bat Time, Same Bat Channel.
<3