I created this blog initially (as the theme might represent) to allow myself to open up and love more.
What many people do not realize about my lifestyle is I have the absolute hardest time loving.
I'm not going to post my entire life story on the internet for anyone to see, but long story short, my heart has been shredded and I'm working and aching and yearning so hard try to put the pieces back into some concrete form.
Last night at Breathe, Oliver spoke about 1 John 4. How God's love is entered into us and because we have that love inside us we OUGHT to love others. Ought doesnt mean we should try to love like God loves us. That's impossible. Ought to love others is just like a fish ought to swim or a peach ought to be sweet. We ought to love others.
I am so greedy.
I have this love of God inside of me. Yearning and aching to be released. And I'm so needy that I'm keeping it all for myself without realizing it would do more good to pass through me and wash me clean to be conducted into other people.
And then I reach the argument- How much is too much? Should I just open my heart and allow it to be crushed again? Is it a trial and error prossess? And then you've got the opposite end of the spectrum- If I spread this love, who do I spread it to? Because if I love certain people the way I'd like to.... I'd kinda feel like a creeper.
This week, God was so very good to me. Through the Orphan Foundation, my Housing Deposit was paid for. While I was in the business office working with that, I had to take out a loan to finish off my final tuition, but the lady gave me a job opportunity and I'm now a writing tutor. I've got a dinner planned on Friday with a group of very lovely ladies. And hopefully I've got plans on Saturday to hang out with a friend who I yearn to know more about.
You know the friend I'm talking about... the one that is just so amazing and you two have so much in common that you just want to instantly be their best friend, but life is slowing you down.
Musical note: Nick Jonas and the Administration album came out this week. The song Vesper's Goodbye makes me sob.
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Alright… I posted a comment earlier but when I pressed "post comment" I lost signal and I don't think it went through. I was just saying before that I feel you on the love thing. (As far as knowing when to draw the line so you won't get hurt.) But don't forget to love yourself sis', because you can't "love others as yourself" if you don't love yourself. And the Holy Spirit… He can help us in all things. Even doing what we are expected to do. Love ya Sis.
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